Sirens used to sound lovely, in fact the sounds they made were so gorgeous that they distracted sailors long enough for their ships to be dashed upon the rocks.

Okay firstly don’t sailors have a bit of a reputation as, well shall we say they enjoy each other’s company a little too much, I know it’s down to a lack of choice, but honestly, won’t porn suffice? Ok enough of the nautical slander.

Second point, mermaids were seals and damn those sailors must’ve been desperate for totty. The singing? Whale sounds most likely.

Finally, what the hell happened to sirens? I think the only time I enjoyed the sound of sirens was in the heady peak of ‘91 at some rave in a field somewhere, car alarms sounded pretty good back then too. Unfortunately I was probably so incapacitated at the time that any loud noise sounded great.

Look it’s a funny t-shirt - go and buy it.

Sirens