It seems that mental health has always been a no-no when it comes to general conversation. You can say you are crazy about snowboarding, football mad, you can say your job is driving you insane, you can use the words, but never play out the actions. Until now.

Loony Bin T-Shirt

General society has until recently treated mental illness like an infection, don’t talk to mad people or you will end up exactly the same way, talking about god knows what conspiracies, impossible tales of impossible deeds. But funny enough it seems that all you normal people out there have accidentally embraced lunacy without realizing it.

I’ve had my turns, it’s true, I’ve suffered from manic depression, I’ve had suicidal friends, a lot of well-meaning straights would love to blame the drug culture, but when you take a closer look, you have to blame culture, nothing more than that.

Noise drives people crazy. City dwellers beware, noise does screw you up. The reason there’s so much noise these days isn’t just a matter of over-population, it’s the fact that everyone wants to make more noise. Their phones, their cars, their offices, their homes, their lives are noisy. Their friends are noisy, their bosses are noisy. Why do you think so many retire early from the Stock Market?

I met a retired stockbroker once, he was in his late twenties, he was jumping up and down in the train carriage as I played a stupid little Casio synth I was absorbed by at the time. He came over, wiping what seemed to be coke from his nose and grabbed it. He offered me double its worth in cash, I accepted, he didn’t have any cash. We laughed and he told me to play my junk, I just made it up and he stared out the window contemplating.

He started to recall his life, almost as if to no one in particular, he had made millions from junk bonds or god knows what, and blew almost all of it on coke parties. He told me I was better off out of it. I took the advice to heart. The point is this guy was no different than any crazy I’d met at The Priory. He had his nervous twitches, his pharmaceutical love of white powder, and a tendency to place his conversation in the context of the earth and the human race, rather than an individual one.

Look at TV and film these days, I’ve always loved the tools of Sci-fi, not so much the gadgets as the endless conveyor belt of what if’s, it seems that everything I see has appropriated the predictive nature of that once cult format. It seems that most celebrities are now officially a little crazy, some more than others. It seems the same can be said for scriptwriters too. To me it’s all old hat, I’ve been mad for years so I and many of my crazy friends from times gone by are prepared.

If you think normality still exists, you are outnumbered. Originality is such a sought after commodity now, that no matter the market, medium, or craft, no matter how little sense it makes, if people like it, it’s a roaring success. The point is sanity has become boring. People try to escape the cold harsh light of reality everyday. Women who let advertisers fool them into believing in eternal youth and beauty. The promise of wealth. The illusion of sophistication and glamour. Take a ride into space for $20m and wonder what it’s all about. Smoke a doobie and wonder how you are going to make that much money in the first place.

The lunatics escaped from the asylum a long time ago, they run the media, the government, the corporations, they design your clothes, paint your art, start wars, sell reconverted asylums as executive apartments with panoramic views, they’re everywhere. Get used to it.

Yes it’s not the most subtle of ideas, but I’ve tried to handle it with as much tact and decorum as I can muster.

Compared to men, women feel pain in more areas of their body and for longer. Women report varying pain experiences throughout their menstrual cycle,and then there’s the whole new world of pain encountered through wonders of pregnancy and birth.

The whole subject of menstruation can be a no no for many men, and many women would more than likely I steer away from the subject, but as we all know by now, Retro God is taking t-shirts to places where no self-respecting fashion designer has taken them before. So, behold, my latest retro t-shirt :

Menstrual Cycle

I’ve heard enough about the Moon and tides to last a lifetime [The very word menstruation is etymologically related to moon. The terms "menstruation" and "menses" come from the Latin mensis (month), which in turn relates to the Greek mene (moon)], but I have found quite a few fascinating facts about the mysteries of menstruation in my time. Take a lookie here.

Women prefer macho men at their most fertile time in the cycle, so all the new age wimpy guys must get a look in for the rest of the month, skinny nerds, be warned, choose your moment carefully.

Women with raised Estrogen levels can bare intolerable pain, one for DC and Marvel to consider next time they are developing a character. Do they still make new characters anyway?

Menstrual odour was once considered seductive in the odor-rich 18th century, perfumes were even developed using the odour as the base.

Men are coded with the 28 day cycle, as well as in the 28 day biorhythm cycle. ( A total hippie told me this one, who knows, maybe something in it). I must admit I seem to follow my partner’s moods, although that might be explained more by Pavlov’s experiments than the assumptions of a hippy.

So there you have it, now go and buy it! Menstrual Cycle is available in 30 shades, in sizes up to XXL, and there’s a nice range of long sleeved tees and a tracksuit (if you’re feeling brave).