Bean Flicker - perhaps the nicest description for the act of masturbation in history.

What is it with female biology, I seem to be in a creative rut at the moment. My partner says it’s simply that I find it easier to create for women than men, hey perhaps that’s a sign of a great fashion designer, then again maybe not.

Who knows, perhaps it’s my caveman time of the month. But here we are again, sex, sex, sex, or rather the lack of it. The idea of masturbation is a lonely one (obviously), but many women will swear by it, many women cannot orgasm with their male partner, they may fake it, they may even think they’re having one, but only a woman knows what turns her on.

It’s almost as if sexual relationships have been some kind of awful compromise since year dot, and now most women out there are not prepared to make anymore. I can’t blame them. Men have been out of their depth with the whole question of sexuality since at least the earliest years of the Flower Power generation.

Free Love is what the hippies called it, or rather then men. In theory it all sounds rather sweet, love one another, make love not war. In reality, with the emergence of the contraceptive pill, the same guys (who have done this throughout history) took it as an opportunity to take advantage whilst the women had their guard down.

It’s sad that this planet has become so lonely, but the media have raised unrealistic excpectations, as has pornography, literature, art, in fact even religion has a hand in it, what it is is the idealized concept of a loving and sexual relationship.

Now see here. Until relatively late in the history of the human race, we’ve all popped our clogs by our forties. I can already feel my past lives raising their ghostly eyebrows at the sight of me living through my forties or even beyond. I never expected to reach my thirties after a somewhat hedonistic and overtly consumptive twenties, but I’m here, still here, and that’s great.

But with longevity seems to have come a burden of the expectation of eternal youth. People want to stay young forever, sexy forever, people don’t even seem want to be in love anymore, only to be loved, even adored, by the one or even as many as possible. The choice for the beautiful and rich, their surface lives window shopping for the perfect package, cannot truly countenance the existence of love, only sex and glamour, only excitement and power, only money and beauty. But even those lines have blurred, infact the blur is more a wash now.

You can buy beauty and youth. You can make money from it too. But if you have neither then join the queue of tossers and flickers of the future. Perhaps there are too many people now, what am I saying, of course there are. Wanna save the earth? Stop breeding. Either way, the more people there are, the more choice, the more expectation, the more dissapointment.

Some people work on their abs and gluts, others on their bank balance, others just work on other people until they do it all for them. Few people work on themselves, inside, without a shelf full of self-help guides or lifestyle columns. The few who do are mainly women, the women who now make sure all weapons are at the ready. The perfect body, mind, career, hair, boobs, nails, home, car, education, and then they look for their compatible mate.

Few ever find them. If you do you are one of the exceptions. It isn’t a philosophy, it’s just a numbers game, the more competition, the less people who will bother to compete. If you study the odds of a lottery game you don’t participate. If your expectations are too high of yourself or others you will be dissapointed. If difference, and even weakness, are not tools for learning life lessons, then we are all doomed to verbally as well as physically masterbate ourselves to the end of this so-called civilization.

So bean flicker, one for the girls (most likely!) - available as short long and ringer tees in many colors and up to XXL size.